she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
