I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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