you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
