low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
