All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
