my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.