Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
