I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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