I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
