He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
