saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
