Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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