News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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