It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
