dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
