I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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