I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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