glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
