I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
