better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize