if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
