Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
