What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
