I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
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It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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