Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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