what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
