Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
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I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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