I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
