Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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