my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
