dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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