got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize