I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize