Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
The best revenge is premature balding
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
