Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
