So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
