Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
