There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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