i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
