I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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