i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
