I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
