got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
