a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
