Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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