i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
