Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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