I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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