i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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