There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
