My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
