I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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