my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
