Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
