just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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