am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Randomize
