If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
