if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
