wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
